Self-Love: Choosing Yourself Over Belonging

Today, as I opened my devotional, I came across these powerful words: “I know the plans I have for you, and they are good.”

That’s a pretty bold statement, but I wholeheartedly believe it.

No matter if I’m having a rough day or one of those amazing days, whether I’m feeling down or soaring high, I hold onto this truth: God has plans for me. Plans that are good, even when life feels chaotic.

There are times when I let my guard down and share parts of my heart—not for sympathy or validation, but in hopes that someone else might relate to my journey. If my words can inspire even one person to see their life in a new light, then that’s truly incredible.

What I won’t do is hide away. I refuse to tone down my vulnerability. I won’t stay silent when I feel compelled to shed light on my experiences, no matter how messy or human they may be.

If what I share makes you uncomfortable, if my voice feels too loud, or if my experiences don’t resonate with you, there’s an easy fix: just unfollow.

So often, we hold back to avoid offending or upsetting others. But I believe God has called me to be bold. I’m far from perfect. I’ve been a sinner saved by grace for 54 years, and I’m just human. I’m a woman who believes she’s meant to make a difference.

This is me—raw, real, and authentic. And I choose to live boldly in my faith, sharing my story just as it is.

Do you ever catch yourself reflecting on the habits and behaviors you keep repeating, even though you know they’re not good for you? The foods we indulge in, the relationships we cling to, the patterns we cycle through again and again — all of them fall into this quiet, uncomfortable truth:

We often don’t let go of what harms us, not because we’re unaware, but because the familiar feels safer than the unknown.

Even when the familiar is slowly breaking us.

Sometimes the very things that wound us become woven into our sense of identity. We start to believe:

“This is just who I am.”
“This is how it’s always been.”
“This is the kind of love I know.”

Our bodies get tied to the chemistry of it.
Our hearts get attached to the potential of it.
And our minds bargain with the future, whispering, “Maybe this time will be different.”

Letting go isn’t just a choice — it’s a grieving.
It’s mourning the version of life we hoped would exist.
It’s releasing the comfort of old patterns, even when they no longer serve us.

That’s why real healing doesn’t come from force.
It doesn’t come from shaming yourself or pushing harder.

Healing comes from compassion.
From patience.
From choosing yourself — again and again — even when choosing yourself feels unfamiliar.

Because freedom isn’t always loud or dramatic.
Sometimes it begins quietly… with a single decision to stop abandoning yourself.

Growth often feels uncomfortable while it’s happening. Pain challenges us, breaks us down, and forces us to confront the things we usually try to avoid. Yet, some of our greatest strengths emerge from the very struggles we once wanted to escape.

The hardships of the past—failure, rejection, heartbreak—might have felt unjust, but they teach us resilience, patience, and endurance. True strength is built in those quiet moments that go unnoticed: when you push through fear, when you opt for discipline instead of distraction, and when you get back up after a fall.

The pain you experienced yesterday wasn’t meant to defeat you. It was there to prepare you, to shape you, and to make you stronger. If you’re still here, still fighting, and still moving forward, that’s your proof of strength. Today, you stand stronger because of what you faced yesterday.

I say it often—through my chapters, my book, and in my talks—because it matters that much to me. It’s not just a phrase I share with others; it’s a reminder I return to myself again and again.

And still, even I wander off my path from time to time.

There are moments when I find myself moving aimlessly, disconnected from the very passion I once spoke about with certainty and fire. When that happens, I try to return to those moments when I gave this advice so freely to someone else. I ask myself: What was I thinking then? What did I know in my heart at that time? And how can I take my own advice now?

Accepting and practicing our own advice is often one of the hardest things we’re asked to do.

When we speak from experience—whether from a journey we’ve already walked or one we’re still navigating—we know our words carry truth. That advice didn’t come from theory; it came from lived moments, lessons learned, and courage summoned in difficult seasons. So why is it so hard to apply it to ourselves?

Fear. Comfort. Doubt. Timing. Sometimes it’s simply exhaustion.

Somewhere along the way, we start negotiating with our dreams. We tell ourselves we’ll return to them later, when life is quieter, when we’re more certain, when the risks feel smaller. But the truth is, the things that set our souls on fire rarely arrive without discomfort.

So the real question becomes:
What is keeping us from taking our own advice?

And even more personally—what is keeping you from doing the things that set your soul on fire?

Sometimes the reminder we need isn’t new wisdom, but the courage to listen to what we already know.

Some seasons ask us to slow down.
Not because we are failing, but because we are becoming overwhelmed by motion.

They invite us to sit with ourselves—to pause the constant performing, fixing, and striving. To stop measuring our worth by productivity or progress and simply be. These seasons are uncomfortable because they remove the noise we often hide behind. Yet they are necessary.

We are taught that growth should look loud and triumphant. That it should be visible, celebrated, and constantly moving forward. But real growth does not always announce itself. Sometimes it whispers.

Sometimes growth looks like stillness.
Like peace settling gently into spaces where chaos once lived.
Like choosing rest without guilt and realizing you do not have to earn it.

In these moments, nothing dramatic happens on the outside. There are no milestones to post, no victories to explain. And yet, something profound is taking place internally. Old patterns loosen. Nervous systems soften. The constant need to prove, improve, or become someone else begins to fade.

Stillness is not stagnation.
Rest is not regression.
Pausing is not quitting.

It is learning to trust that you are allowed to exist without constantly producing something of value. It is understanding that your worth is not tied to how much you do, but to who you are beneath all the doing.

This season may feel quiet, even uneventful. But it is meaningful. It is recalibrating you. Teaching you how to live without urgency, how to choose peace over pressure, how to let life meet you where you are instead of chasing what comes next.

If you find yourself here—tired but calmer, slower but clearer—know that this, too, is growth.

This is one of those moments.

As this year comes to a close, I am consciously releasing the things I tried so hard to control and placing them back into prayer—where they were never meant to rest solely on my shoulders. The unanswered questions. The open endings. The quiet worries that lingered in the background. The weight I was never meant to carry alone.

This season has taught me that not everything is solved through effort or explanation. Some things require patience. Some require faith. And some are only revealed when we loosen our grip and allow space for clarity to arrive in its own time. There is a deep peace that comes from acknowledging that I don’t need to have everything figured out to move forward.

As I step into the new year, I am choosing to listen more closely to my intuition and trust the gentle nudges that guide me. I am learning to move with intention instead of urgency, and to rest in the belief that what is meant for me will not miss me. It will arrive in its own sacred timing—whole, aligned, and right on time.

This new chapter is not about striving harder or proving anything. It is about trusting more deeply, staying open, and becoming who I am meant to be—one surrendered step at a time.